Did I do such a terrible thing?
Published 12:49 pm Monday, June 12, 2023
Dear Aunty Pam,
I’ve always been the black sheep of my family, and now I’ve been tossed out for good.
I have three siblings and one, who I’ll call ‘Mike,’ is gay. I’ve suspected it since he was 12. He’s in his mid-30s, had one girlfriend, has never married and now he’s ‘moved in with his best friend,’ Ron, ’to save money to buy a house.’
My mother has been oblivious to Mike’s sexual identity and while she can’t keep her nose out of my business, she seems to give Mike a free pass. It’s like he can do no wrong.
She likes to hold him up when comparing how unsuccessful I am by saying things like, ‘Why can’t you be more like Mike? He’s very responsible and saves all his money while you blow every penny you get.’
Last week, when I had an appointment at the bank, she said, “Look at Mike. He’s gotten a roommate to save money so he can buy his own house.’ I then blew up at her, saying, “For your information, Mike hasn’t gotten a roommate to save money. He’s GAY and Ron is his boyfriend.”
My mother completely freaked out, called me a liar and pretty much kicked me out of the house. She called my siblings, including Mike, and everyone is saying I’m a horrible person, and that if Mike is gay it’s his place to tell my mother and not me.
Now nobody is speaking to me and I’m looking for a place to stay until I can find a cheap apartment. Did I do such a terrible thing?
In the Doghouse
Really? Are you asking me if you indeed did such a terrible thing? YES. Because the scorched earth policy you decided to implement against your family certainly doesn’t seem to have come from an altruistic place in your heart. It was a petty lashing out in frustration towards your mother and what seems to be jealousy towards your brother.
I mean, poor Mike…what did he do to you for you to decide to ‘out’ him in such a vicious manner? It’s not his fault that he seems to be your mother’s pet.
Frankly, the whole tone of your letter oozes anger. Now, that anger may very well be justified. It may also have become your ‘happy place’ when it seems the whole world is against you. So I am going to suggest you really look into getting some counseling. There are ’sliding scales’ for those who are struggling financially, you simply have to do a bit of googling. Please don’t shrug that off. It will do you a world of good to truly be able to open up and speak with a professional who can help you become the person you deserve to be, capiche? You’re worth it.