It’s a Shoe-In

Published 11:43 am Thursday, October 6, 2022

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Nothing drove the point home of what a country bumpkin I am then reading a recent survey which suggests the average American woman owns twenty five pairs of shoes.


Twenty five.

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I own six.


And two pairs are riding boots and one pair are muck boots (insulated for the winter, mind you, and considered quite the luxury). That leaves a pair of black flats, a pair of brown flats and a pair of heels which I never wear because I rarely wear a dress and I’m tired of ducking beneath ceiling fans.


Who are these women who own twenty five pairs of shoes? If it’s you, don’t tell me, otherwise I might have to smack you over the head with a rolled up newspaper. Does that mean they also own twenty five, different outfits which require a specific pair of shoes? I would have to build an extension to house all that stuff. Add to this that the same survey said the average American also spends nearly $200 per month on clothes! What are we, members of the Kardashian family, who can’t be seen in the same outfit, twice?


I honestly can’t remember the last piece of new clothing I purchased. I think it had shoulder pads, so it’s been awhile. My horse, however, gets new shoes every five weeks to the tune of $300 a pop. They’re silver steel with a small wedge pad. I call them his ‘kitten heels.’ But he doesn’t collect them. He doesn’t have rows and rows of them on display. He wears them out and, like any good mother that makes sure her kid has decent shoes to go out in public, he then gets a new pair. And when your kid weighs 1,400 lbs, they tend to wear out their shoes rather quickly.


I wonder if those all those ‘average American women’ actually wear all twenty five pairs of shoes? I’m going to go out on a limb and say they don’t. I’m going to guess that some were purchased because they were on sale and ’sooo cute,’ but hurt like hell, and the extra clothes purchased each month for $200 are sitting in the back of the closet, still not worn.


Because no matter what the occasion, we all have that ‘go-to’ dress, pants or jacket we pluck from the hanger because it’s comfortable, we like the way we look in it and it’s appropriate for every meeting, lunch or dinner. And then when we get home, we sit around in our underwear. At least I do. And a packet of 3 pairs of men’s boxers can be had for $25.00. Purchased every two years.


With no matching shoes.