Mom feeling heartbroken and rejected
Published 11:58 am Monday, August 29, 2022
Dear Aunty Pam,
I’m writing to you because I’m feeling pretty heartbroken and rejected.
I’ve spent most of the year working on a quilt for my son and daughter-in-law as a surprise for their 10th wedding anniversary. I’m a member of a quilting club and have made some beautiful quilts over the years and my DIL has even remarked on them.
As she had been complimentary, I decided I would make a special quilt for them. It’s taken a long time but I’ve always enjoyed spending time over a quilt that I know people are going to love. However, when I presented it to them, I could tell from her face she didn’t like it. We were at their house for dinner and I overheard her say to my son in the kitchen, “What are we going to do with that quilt? It’s so ugly.”
It was all I could do not to start crying and I made an excuse that I wasn’t feeling well and went home early with my husband. Once we got in the car, I did start crying and my husband said it’s always a risk to surprise people with a gift that they might not like and I only have myself to blame. It’s been two weeks and I still feel very hurt, but I wonder if my husband is right and I just need to get a grip?
Thank you for any advice you can give me, Aunty Pam!
I guess I need to get a grip too, because your letter choked me up.
But first, let me say this: I think your husband was being incredibly unsympathetic to your hurt feelings on that ride back home. Plus, his reply made no sense. What does he mean that ‘it’s always a risk to surprise people with a gift?? I mean, isn’t that what gifts are? Nicely wrapped surprises for birthdays, holidays, anniversaries? What’s the difference between giving someone a quilt that they hate and, say, a bottle of champagne they might hate? They’re both gifts! I guess you could always give them a gift card to Cracker Barrel, or Home Depot, but that’s not terribly original, is it? That reeks of, “Oh, crap, I forgot their anniversary, so let me swing by the Dollar Store and see if they have any gift cards.”
You spent so much time and love in every stitch of that quilt and it’s heartbreaking indeed to overhear that your DIL thinks it’s ugly. And may I say that the fact that she would say such a thing to your son immediately after receiving it, knowing that it was made by his own mother, was also ugly. Tastes are subjective and even if your DIL thinks the quilt is ugly, would it have killed her to plaster on a big smile and say she loved it, then hide it in the bedroom closet, along with the black velvet portrait of Elvis, given to them by somebody else?
So at the end of the day, Mom, you’ve got a husband who treated you in rather a cruel manner, a DIL who was also quite cruel, a son who didn’t speak up, and a quilt that nobody wants.
You know what, Mom? To heck with them all. Send me a private email and we’ll go have a beer together.