Moving in the mom-in-law

Published 10:54 am Monday, August 22, 2022

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Dear Aunty Pam,


HELP!!! I’m due to give birth next month and my mother-in-law is determined to ‘move in and help out’ for a month!

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She’s sweet, but she gets on my nerves like crazy. She never stops talking—I know she’s lonely since my husband’s father died, but she just goes on and on and on and the thought of her being here makes me so stressed. My own mom lives in Nevada and will be out to visit for a week, and we’ll barely have room for her.


My husband says that to be fair, we should let his mother stay at least a week too.


In the meantime, I’m feeling totally overwhelmed. What can I do to keep my MIL away?



Soon to be Mom


Dear STBM,


Why people with children, or about to have children, write to someone like me who never wanted children, is beyond me, but I’ll give it a go.


OK: who is pushing this baby out after potentially hours of labor? Oh, that’s right: YOU. So in Aunty Pam’s book, that means as you’re the one who has been physically uncomfortable, and having to pee every 45 minutes the last couple of months, and now, after finally having your baby, will be subjected to abject exhaustion for the next 3 months (at least), YOU get to make all decisions. No one who is still experiencing the discomfort following the birth of a child, hormones ping-ponging around, and so tired she just wants to cry should be expected to just smile and deal with an in-law that prattles non-stop all day long and follows you around like a terrier, filling every quiet moment (which will be rare) with chitchat.


You want your mom to visit? Fine. You don’t want MIL to visit? Fine too. Tell your hubs that MIL is more than welcome to come visit her new grandchild for a couple of days, max, and, even better, put her up in a hotel. For sure let her know she is family, she is loved, but you are simply too overwhelmed for a long visit. And once your hubs begins feeling the sleep deprivation that you’ve already come to know all too well, he’ll be grateful not to have Chatty Cathy in the house as well.


Cheers, dear!

Aunty Pam