Rain, rain, go away

Published 8:00 am Friday, August 5, 2022

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During the 40 days of rain that we experienced in July, I found myself thinking that I probably had seen worse weather, but I couldn’t recall when.


I know. I know. We needed it, but I’m not a rain person. Snow, I can handle, but rain wears me down.

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So when you’re down, you turn to your friends to get you back up, right? That’s why I consulted with my friend John in a text message, hoping to get a pep talk. Something like, “This too shall pass” or “when the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Maybe something biblical.


John texted me full DIY plans for building “The Ark of Noah.”


As soon as I read “light ship draft 25 feet,” I realized that he clearly doesn’t know me well. If he did, he would know that there’s a very good reason why I never had a summer job working in construction. That’s because I can’t construct. I trip over my angles and fall flat on my tape measure. If I were getting a tattoo, it would read, “Measure three or four times, cut once.”


In high school shop class, Mr. Hinkley described my work as “Needs Improvement,” and that was after a full year of instruction. For some reason, he always came rushing across the shop if he saw me pick up a hammer. Our class project that year was to build a toolbox. It might as well have been building a house. 


But then I remembered that a bunch of people in Kentucky actually built a full-scale replica of Noah’s Ark. The project cost $120 million, considerably less, I presume, than what Noah spent. It also supposedly took Noah 70 years to build his ark, which is about how long it took me to build my toolbox in high school.


The Kentucky ark, built to withstand 40 days and 40 nights of flooding, was damaged by water when a landslide occurred following heavy rainfall. Let me repeat that: it was damaged by water. Lawyers were called, insurance claims were filed. A very un-Noah-like event.


Reading all about the Kentucky boat made me realize that a bunch of people spent $120 million and still got wet when it rained. Maybe they didn’t measure twice.


Now I feel better. Thanks John.


Larry McDermott is a local retired farmer/journalist. Reach him at hardscrabblehollow@gmail.com