Published 10:40 am Monday, February 28, 2022
Dear Aunty Pam,
Help!! I’ve met the man of my dreams and we are engaged. ’Bob’ and I each live in our own house and Bob thinks we should sell our homes and buy one together, as a new start, since we’re both divorced.
I agree this makes sense, Aunty Pam, butI love my little house!!! It’s very small—only 2 bedrooms, and very much like a little cottage, but it’s mine and I bought it myself. I’ve put so much work into the garden and it’s been a little haven for me since my divorce.
Bob has said it’s just too small for two people, and he’s right—but the idea of giving it up is killing me. I tear up even thinking about it.
This is the only thorn in our relationship. Bob has been very patient but we’re getting married later this summer and I know he wants me to make a move on this. Any ideas??
So, have you ever watched those television shows on HGTV or Britbox about couples ‘Escaping to the Country’ or young couples looking to buy their first home, and after giving the show host a list of their ‘must haves’ they are then shown 3 houses (because, evidently, it’s a law that one can only consider 3 houses in which to sink one’s life’s savings within a 30 minute time slot) from which to choose?
I ask this because what often happens is that the couple generally begins inflexible with their demands: “We must have a good sized yard for our dog,” and “we want to be really isolated,” or “a huge kitchen is non-negotiable.” And yet, more often than not, they are shown a house that knocks their socks off and they make an offer on it, even though the kitchen wasn’t very large, or it had no garden, or wasn’t in the countryside at all, but in the suburbs.
My point is, while I really hear you about your cottage–because the only way I’m leaving my farm is with the help of 6 people (unless I win the lottery and then Aunty Pam will be tapping out her replies from her Tuscan villa)– however, sometimes, no matter how much we love our home, we can walk into another one and be so blown away that the dread of giving up our other home is softened. Perhaps start taking a look at homes for sale online. You never know.
And how about this? Might ‘Bob’ (and really, people, must it ALWAYS be Bob for a nom de plume? Why not Steve, or Hugh, or Walter?) consider moving into your cottage if you consider enlarging it? That could be a perfect compromise—why not an addition or two, specifically for Bob? His own study/office, etc? So that he can put his own stamp on what’s very much yours.
It’s pretty rare to meet and lasso the ‘man of your dreams,’ BG! You’re gonna have to give a little.