Published 10:51 pm Sunday, December 5, 2021

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Just Sayin’

It’s the little things in life, isn’t it, that make it all worthwhile, at least here at the Funny Farm…


Not stepping out of bed immediately into a puddle of wee, comes to mind, or, in the case of our Plott hound mix, Posey, piles of the second variety, the ‘looseness’ being a result of having been fed too many ‘greenies’ for dental health. It was my fault, really: Paul gives each dog their treat after obediently coming back into the house when called after their morning business, and I would give them one later on in the day. Unlike cats, who must sniff every prospective mortal of food like a difficult child, dogs will simply open their mouths like baby birds, ingesting anything tossed their way, sometimes forgetting to actually chew.


And so this past week we have found ourselves on hyper-vigilant, after we fasted her for a day with only chicken broth, later adding the obligatory white rice, stringy bits of freshly baked organic chicken (while I had a packet of Lance crackers for lunch), and a teaspoon of canned pumpkin stirred in.


She seemed to be improving following the first day until Paul, inexplicably, thought it might be alright to give her half a greenie as she beseeched him with her soulful brown eyes and drooping ears, and he dearly paid the price for it as we woke to what appeared to be liquid IEDs that had been randomly detonated along the kitchen floor, the hallway and the rug beneath the kitchen table. And during the next 24 hours it was quite astonishing the alacrity in which one can leap from one part of the house to the front door to allow a dog to exit when they realize they need to go out that very second. I don’t even remember walking around the kitchen island. I think I leapt over it.


For sure we intended to take her to our vet had this dragged into a third day, but having been through this before with dogs, and the fact that despite her digestion, she was bright and extremely active (including chasing her sister, Poppy, disobediently across the front field), we decided to wait it out.


That doesn’t mean it’s not without effort…We filled up a contractor bag with soiled paper towels, and in order to watch her, I canceled a dental appointment (frankly, I might add, greenies don’t taste that bad and don’t be looking at me like I’m crazy— if millions of American insist on taking horse wormer for Covid, I expect to be able to bite off the corner of a greenie with no judgement, k??) We were up like a bolt of lightning at 2am when she asked to go out, and there, bathed in the radiance of the led light from an i-phone, we beheld her form (‘formed’ being the operative word) crouched beneath the trees and Poo Watch 2021 was over.


There’s nothing better than watching your beloved pet improve and Posey, blissfully curled up on the couch and being spooned by Poppy, wagged her great, thumping tail with gratitude each time we walked into the room. She’s a long dog and when she’s curled up and wagging her tail, she inadvertently smacks herself across the face with each wag.


Gazing adoringly at us while blinking her eyes rapidly from the relentless blows, she seemed to ask with some confusion, “Why does it hurt my face to be so happy?”