Ask Aunty Pam
Dear Aunty Pam,
I’m a single guy, in my late 30s, and I tend to go out with girls I meet online.
I kind of have this ‘test’ that I use on a first date to see if I think I want a second date with a girl and that’s when I show up with my Jeep Wrangler. It has a soft top and if it’s not raining, I keep the top down to check my date’s attitude.
In my opinion, if she’s not prissy and vain, she won’t care that her hair gets messed up, or will just stick it back in a ponytail.
Mostly my dates aren’t exactly thrilled, although one didn’t seem to mind one bit, but last night, when I picked this new girl up, she asked if I’d put the top up and when I said I’d rather not, she got really irritated and said she didn’t want her hair blown all over the place for the half hour it would take to get there.
I told her she was pretty enough that it wouldn’t matter what her hair looked like and she said, “Sorry,” then got out and slammed the door and told me I needed to grow up, that I wasn’t 18 and she wasn’t a surfer chick.
I think she’s being hysterical over something that’s really not a big deal. Obviously, that date went nowhere, but I wanted to ask you if picking a girl up in a convertible is that big a deal to women?? Are they really that vain?
Dear Jeep Guy,
I’m not so sure your date was correct in saying you just needed to grow up. I think she left out that, more importantly, you were behaving like a Class A Jerk.
(Note that I didn’t call you a ‘jerk,’ I said you’re ‘behaving’ like a jerk, which means there’s an inkling of hope that you can be redeemed into a functional, mature man.)
Let’s take a look at your letter. You’re how old? Late 30s? OK, gotcha. You’re on the precipice of middle age, and yet you refer to each date, or women in general, as ‘girls.’ You’re not in high school, Biff, and women, in general, prefer to be referred to as, shockingly, women.
You call yourself a ‘guy.’ That’s fine. But how would you like to be referred to as a ‘boy’ by women you might be interested in? It’s demeaning. And then on top of this, you decide to engage in a ‘test’—a test that quite literally, has made women physically uncomfortable, to determine if YOU find their behavior acceptable enough for a second date.
This smacks of someone who has real issues with control—you’re putting these unsuspecting ‘girls’ on the defense from the first moment you meet. Who does that? It also probably has something to do with the string of only first dates you seem to have had.
I’m assuming that you go out of your way to look your best on a date—shave, shower, a freshly laundered shirt? Women, yes, do take more time: make up, cute outfit and arranging their hair. Does it not occur to you that few people would feel particularly comfortable going out on a first date to any public place with their hair tangled and greasy from being blown around at 60 mph?
Your last date nailed it. The kind of ‘girl’ you’re looking for is at the beach. I can send you her contact info. She’s called Malibu Barbie. Unfortunately, she’s out of your league. You see, Ken drives a ‘Vette.