Ask Aunty Pam

Published 9:40 am Wednesday, June 17, 2020

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Dear Aunty Pam,


Do you have any recommendations for a man who won’t put the toilet seat down? I’ve been married to my husband for 23 years and I’ve yet to find a way to get him to remember. I’m tired of fighting about it!

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Thank you.

Falling in at 2:00 a.m.



Dear FIA2,

Easy peasy! At least it works for me. Every time Paul leaves the toilet seat up, I go outside and put his car hood up.

Cheers, dear!

Aunty Pam





Dear Aunty Pam,


My wife and I have gotten into another fight about the stupid toilet seat. Why is it such a big deal to women? She says she’s sick of falling in the bowl in the middle of the night and I said try turning on the light and now she’s not speaking to me. I’m sure you’ll take her side because you’re a woman, but what law says the seat HAS to be down??



Dear Nagged,

Well, yes, I am a woman, at least according to recent lab work, but the answer isn’t terribly difficult. The seat is meant to stay down because, well, it’s called a toilet SEAT, Lightning. Not a stand, a seat. Just because you elect to stand while emptying your bladder for no good reason, really, just because you can ( which is probably the basis of penis envy in women), there certainly are times, generally daily, and sometimes thrice daily, if, for example, you had venison pie at Aunt Pauline’s last night, that will make you VERY grateful that the seat is down. And if you elect to stand during such times, you have both my unabashed admiration and a job offer from Ripley’s.

Cheers, dear!

Aunty Pam