Ask Aunty Pam
Dear Aunty Pam,
I read your column last week about the husband who was overweight, diabetic and upset that his wife went to the hair salon because he thought she might end up exposing him to the virus. My husband isn’t either of those things, but he does have COPD and after reading your column, I decided I was going to be very responsible and color my hair for the first time at home with a popular brand I got at the grocery store.
It was supposed to be ‘Ash Blonde’ but it looks AWFUL!! Aunty Pam, the color is very brassy and bright and it’s all your fault! I like President Trump, but I don’t want to look like him and my hair looks exactly like his! What am I supposed to do??
What are you blaming ME for? You sound as though I broke into your home, tied you up and forced that brassy blonde all over your head.
Take a deep breath and relax. Honestly, there are far worse things in life than looking like a melody of urine. Did you know, just in time for summer, sparkling rose’ Prosecco is being released? Now, doesn’t that make you feel better? Breathe. Breeeeaaaattttthe.
And just so you know, there are many a cases of ‘Covid Color’ out there…women just like you who decided to try to color their hair at home and it didn’t go exactly as planned.
My friend, Belinda (who made me swear I wouldn’t mention her name and I said, ‘I won’t’), recently did a home dye job and went for a coppery color. It came out sable brown which doesn’t at all match her permanent make-up tattoo eyebrows which are startlingly red. Seriously, she looks like a freak with bleeding gashes over her eyes and you don’t hear her complaining. Well, not now. But she’s coping very well. Not only does she wear a mask when she goes out in public, she wears an entire ski mask under it, so no one suspects anything about her looks odd.
This will all pass, Panicked, and one day, you’ll look back at this and laugh. Until then, just tell everyone you developed a cough and have decided to quarantine for the next 4 to 8 shampoos.