You just can’t teach a village idiot new tricks

Published 8:25 pm Thursday, November 8, 2018

We can change. People say we can’t, but we do when the stakes or the pain is high enough. And when we do, life can change. It offers more of itself when we agree to give up our busyness.

~ Anne Lamott

Well, here’s more to the road trip tale from last week’s column…

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Silver made it to Fernandina Beach despite my worry-warting over if River and I would be pushing her all the way from Saluda to Florida (neither of us wanted to push, I might add). The AAA number is on speed-dial, just-in-case.

Today is lazy on the island. It’s still a quiet morning amid regal live oaks dripping Spanish moss. 

Monarch butterflies flutter over cottage gardens. Roses bloom, and I’ve swiped pink bougainvillea (watching out for thorns). Grapefruit are arranged in the kitchen River and I toted those home from local trees. 

The old laptop is fired up this morning, and while a few keys are balking, we’re in action. At least I finally got it configured to hook-up to next door’s internet — there is no need to tell you how long it took yours truly to do that, Dear Reader.

However, the stereo is on a country music station, because I can’t figure out how to change it. Luckily, I like George Jones — but I hoped to get the old-school turntable spinning some old Dylan records. You just can’t teach a village idiot new tricks I reckon, especially when it comes to wires and plugs (tangled wires at that) on the back of big black box thingies. 

I put my glasses on, hovered and peered, realizing there was no way this village idiot could see to plug anything into something else without blowing box thingies or herself up.

Saddling up Silver, we hi-yo’d to a drugstore for new full-scale reading glasses. 

It took an hour to pick a pair out. If you can’t see, let me tell you, picking out one thing in a drugstore or plugging random cords into strange places just doesn’t happen in a second.

Meanwhile, ole George sings on about old bones movin’ slow, and I’m agreeing with everything he says!

• Saluda Tailgate Market will have a special holiday market in late November. Thank you for supporting our local vendors this year!

• Saluda Welcome Table is every Tuesday: dinner is served from 5:30 to 6:45 p.m. in the fellowship hall of Saluda United Methodist Church. All are welcome; donations accepted.

• Saluda Community Land Trust can be reached at SCLT’s office at 828-749-1560 or Donations and trail maintenance volunteers are appreciated.

• Saluda United Methodist Church’s annual Turkey Dinner is from 5-7 p.m. Saturday at Saluda School. Church members serve roast turkey, homemade gravy (my favorite) and all the fixings, including dessert (my favorite too). Tickets available from church members or at the door. For information, call 828-749-3789.

• Saluda Train Tales at the Saluda Historic Depot, 32 W. Main St., will feature Alex Salley presenting “Life & Times in Saluda” at 7 p.m. Friday, Nov. 16. Doors open at 6:30 p.m.;

• Saluda Historic Depot Theatre Troupe is producing Saluda’s first musical, which will premiere at 7 p.m. Saturday, Nov. 17, at The Party Place & Event Center, 221 Friendship Church Road, Saluda. For information, contact Judy Ward at 828-674-5958/ or Corinne Gerwe at /828-749-4803.

• Saluda Get-Well goes to Patty Martin, Doris Marion, Leon Morgan and Mary Ann Asbill.

• Garden notes: It’s time to turn over summer gardens, divide plants, plant shrubs or trees, add compost to the soil, and clean bluebird houses. Fall leaves make fine additions to compost or rake into a pile at the side of your yard and let them decompose.

• Happy November Birthday to Rich Igoe, Rita Igoe, Karen Johnson, Nancy Barnett, Dawn Pearson, Dusty Jespersen, Gwen Garren, Stoney Lamar, Jim Boyle, Tom Ellwood, Wendy McEntire, Aaron Burdett, Jane Thompson, Candy Oakes, Bruce Hunt, Karen Gabriel and James Hrynyshyn.

Thank you for reading this column; as ever, the goal is to make you feel like you’re enjoying small town life in a friendly mountain town called Saluda. Feel free to contact me at, 828-749-1153 or visit