The battle with uninvited guests in my kitchen

Published 10:00 pm Thursday, April 21, 2016

The Battle of New Orleans

In 1814 we took a little trip
Along with Colonel Jackson down the mighty Mississip’
We took a little bacon and we took a little beans
And we caught the bloody British in a town in New Orleans
We fired our guns and the British kept a-comin’
There wasn’t nigh as many as there was a while ago
We fired once more and they begin to runnin’
On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico
(One-two-three, with a-one-two-three)…

~ Johnny Horton (Pop Chart # 1 Apr. 27, 1959, Columbia Legacy Records)

Raise your hand high, dear reader, if you can sing this tune along with Johnny Horton. Imagine a line of little black ants, marching like the British back in 1814. Over and over, they march on, heading for the kitchen. Uninvited guests, they think it’s open season on the sugar bowl. A fine dotted path of the tiny critters trails along the window sill, up to one spot that seems to be the target … I can’t imagine for the life of me what it’d be … other than a drop of nectar, a splash of something. At least they’re not climbing in the coffee pot or raiding the frig. Yet.

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Foraging for  the handy little container of liquid “Revenge” ant deterrent, I put a couple drops out on the window sill for my new friends’ dessert selection. They kept a’ comin’ but there wasn’t nigh as many as there was a while ago. It takes a few days to run ’em off, but a little “Revenge” helped. I couldn’t talk River dog into chasing the troops to the Gulf; he just sprawled out on the back deck and snuffled. So much for guard dogs around here!

Saluda Welcome Table is every Tuesday: dinner served from 5:30 -7 p.m. in the fellowship hall of Saluda United Methodist Church. All are welcome; donations accepted.

Saluda Community Land Trust (SCLT) benefits from your donations or time as a volunteer for their many community projects. “Walks in the Woods” are on the first and third Sundays each month. Contact SCLT at 828-749-1560 or visit

Donations to help support Saluda Historic Depot can be sent to P.O. Box 990, Saluda, NC 28773 or on the website. Saluda Train Tales are held on the third Friday each month, April through October. The Depot is open Thursday through Sunday noon – 4 p.m. with a current exhibit featuring beloved Saluda artist Bill Ryan’s work. This is a benefit to help raise funds for the Depot. A print of Saluda in different sizes is also available to order.

Saluda Center Potluck and Bingo is April 25, 6 p.m. Everyone welcome. 

Art News: “Songs of the Earth” featuring paintings by Bonnie Bardos at Tryon Depot, 22 Depot Street, continues until May 16. Also, Saluda Historic Depot will present Saluda Art Legends – Past & Present for a May exhibit (reception May 7, 6:30) at Saluda Depot. The Saluda Arts Festival is May 21.

Happy April birthday to: Martha Ashley, Melody Gibson, Dave Prudhomme, Kaye Vazquez, Cindy Keeter, Betty Anna Brown, Hope Pace, Diane Pace, Ruth Anderson, Greaton Sellers, Clay Arrington, Bonnie Bardos, Luther Connor, Gary Pace, Dee Owen, Doug Honeycutt, Niece Lundgren, Julie Roy, Tommy Williamson, and Rhonda Corley. Please add your birthday to the list; no ages mentioned unless you’re under 2 or over 100!

Thank you dear readers, for reading this column. I love hearing from you! Whether you live here, or just wish you were here, the goal is to make you feel like you’re enjoying a front porch visit and small town life in a friendly little mountain town called Saluda. You can contact me at, call 749-1153, visit for more writing and art, or find me on Facebook.