This whole ‘vibrating bra’ thing

Published 9:44 pm Thursday, September 10, 2015

By Pam Stone

So, this whole ‘vibrating bra’ thing … oh, you haven’t heard?


Evidently a hobby inventor from Serbia, in response to his girlfriend’s continued complaints about her bust size, has invented a vibrating bra that is proven (he says) to increase the size of a woman’s breasts by one full cup size.


Whether it works or not, it just goes to show the lengths that a man will go to in order to make the woman in his life shut up.


I heard about this vibrating bra as well meaning, bordering on malicious, friends began forwarding the article to me as soon as the story broke, along with unhelpful comments: “Something you might find interesting?” and “Have you seen this???” adorned with three gasping emoticons.


Yes, admittedly, not a whole lot going on up top with Aunty Pam, but on the other hand, neither will I be able to engage in a game of Hacky Sack with them in a few years.


Well, of course I read the article and, according to Milan Milic, the inventor, a woman has only to wear the device, dubbed ‘The E Bra,’ for a few minutes each day for a week to see amazing and permanent results.


Milic claims success from wearers all over Europe and the two women in North America that have tried it so far. There are even claims that clinical trials are ‘under way.’ Milic is hesitant to talk about the technology behind the bra (imagine my surprise) in detail, as it is just now hitting the shelves but describes the effect as a ‘…natural process that increases the blood circulation that is feeding the breast.’


Milic went on to add, “I don’t want to speak in depth about the technology yet because we are just getting our patents and starting out the company. But it is not painful, there’s no harmful radiation, it’s fully healthy for the human body and safe for the environment and everything.”


Well, there you have it! And to be fair, I don’t think one can really expect more specific, technical, engineering data than that from a security guard, do you?


Because there is no surgery involved and the price listed online (I just happened to be browsing) is around $30, I began reading reviews of a ‘Miracle Vibrating Bra’ which may already be a knock-off of the ‘E Bra,’ and I must say there were dozens of five-star replies, mostly excitedly declaring:


Ура,ура! Наконец-то я его дождалась. Всё работает супер.Надеюсь результат не заставит долго ждать… Большое спасибо продавцу. Товар шёл чуть больше месяца. :)))


I don’t know about you but I’m sold!


Who knew that wearing a bra for a few minutes of vibration could result in bust enhancement? Ladies, for a mere $30 investment, you can completely alter your silhouette!


Or, for free, you can continue to subject yourself to our crappy roads in South Carolina. Because let’s face it: if vibration is all it takes to move up a cup size, we’d all be DDs by now.