Hot and dry in the Tiny Kingdom

Published 12:18 am Friday, July 17, 2015

To the editor:


Well my friend, summer has truly arrived in the Tiny Kingdom and many are thinking that the heat has fried the brains of some of the officials elected by the minions living in the empire of Polk. The hot topic of discussion is water!

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Here’s the crazy part, currently two of the three little kingdoms within the empire of Polk operate their own water systems and serve thousands of customers. In addition to its main reservoir, the up-to-date water treatment plant here in the Tiny Kingdom, has a back up reservoir, excess capacity, and a pipeline already in place to hook into the empire’s current system that serves about 150 customers.


You’re right my friend, it’s a no brainer, all the elected officials in the empire have to do is partner-up with the two little kingdoms that already have a water treatment facility and distribution system in place and, bingo, we have one system that serves everyone, and with that economy of scale come lower rates for all customers!  But that’s not what the empire is planning!


The elected officials in the empire of Polk are planning to give away the water in its reservoir to a water distribution company in another state so that company, once it builds a water treatment plant, can turn around and sell that very same water back to the Polk folk. The water distribution company in the other state says it will make some repairs to the dam that holds back Lake Adger (the reservoir) and wants the contract to run for 75 years, which is just about the expected life span of the dam! Is any of this making sense to you, my friend?


As I said earlier, some believe it’s the heat that is causing these elected officials to think like this, but I have it on pretty good authority (the lady who cuts my hair) that this water distribution company has hired a witch to cast a spell on these officials whenever they go into executive session to discuss this contract.


If it’s real quiet and you listen carefully whenever they go behind closed doors you can hear a cranky old voice singing out,    “Double trouble boil and bubble a bunch of Georgia peanuts, I cast a stupid-did-dio spell on you”….and the rest, as they say, is history.


I’m told that the only way to break the spell is to gather enough signatures for a special referendum election and let the people decide. Stay cool.


John Calure

Landrum, S.C.