Narcissistic abuse

Published 10:00 pm Tuesday, April 29, 2014

To the Editor,
When I drive around Columbus I see the silver and blue pinwheels spinning in the wind as a reminder that April is Child Abuse Prevention month. I too am flying the pinwheels at the end of my driveway in support of child abuse awareness and prevention.
I think about the countless victims who have suffered emotional and psychological abuse by a narcissistic parent.  I believe that this type of abuse takes a backseat when it comes to physical and sexual abuse. While I do give the upmost regard to physical and sexual abuse, I am here to tell you that emotional, psychological and narcissistic abuse is just as real, just as traumatic, just as damaging and has as many debilitating effects as physical and/or sexual abuse.
It is a proven fact that emotional, psychological and narcissistic abuse can cause repressed memory syndrome and dissociative personality disorder just like verbal, physical and sexual abuse.
The human psyche is traumatically affected in a negative way by abuse regardless of the form. To live as a child who is conditioned to live a life that is full of fear and anxiety; being assigned the classic archetypal character role of a scapegoat, black sheep and door mat while the remaining siblings execute the classic archetypal character roles of the golden girl, who can do no wrong, or the baby, who is catered to at every whim is to live in an emotional prison.
They all enable the narcissistic parent at the expense of killing the black sheep’s soul. The narcissistically abused child is forbidden the rite of passage through the process of individuation while trying to avoid the wrath, rage, and feeling of being punished by losing the love of the narcissistic parent. This is a soul destroying form of child abuse that continues on through adulthood.
When a child is denied their God given right to be unconditionally loved and fully accepted for who they are as an individual it is a very real form of emotional and psychological abuse. There is such a stigma and taboo related to a child standing up against this type of child abuse.
One of the main goals of a narcissist is to create a façade, a personality so admirable and upstanding, so “Christian like” that any attempt made by the child to try to convey what they are experiencing would be immediately discredited and invalidated and “the problem must be with the child”, and “she’s so oversensitive”.  Abusive parents brainwash the child into honoring their father and mother.
I am not an atheist, I believe in God and Jesus is my savior, but how does an abused child honor their abuser? By keeping silent? Meanwhile the child, never healing, remains emotionally enmeshed with their overly smothering narcissistic parent and enabling siblings, living life through all of adulthood as an abused child.
There are a lot of abused children who are conditioned to believe that speaking out against this type of abuse is in direct violation against God.  No, silence is not the answer! It is very common for daughters of narcissistic mothers to not even realize how serious the abuse is until they have reached their mid thirties to mid forties and many times never realizing it at all;  living their entire life with their inner child locked away deep inside, in solitary confinement.  No one would believe or understand what the child’s life was like behind closed doors.
The scars from emotional and psychological abuse run deep and are very difficult to heal from. For those victims who have no choice and can gain the strength and courage to permanently establish “No Contact” and “Divorce” their entire family, including but not limited to the narcissistic parent and enabling siblings, can experience extreme liberation and healing.
While this in itself is extremely painful and difficult in the beginning, especially for those victims who are attacked with relentless invalidation and harassment, it is far less pain than remaining in the life of abuse. It is an abuse that never ends until you are ready to acknowledge and educate yourself that this abuse that you have felt your entire life is real and that there is even a name for it, Narcissistic Abuse, and it is then that you can begin healing and stop the abuse.
For all those victims who may not have physical scars but scars are there inside I am here to let you know there is hope and even a life full of joy.  You deserve and can find an unconditional love, a love not based on what you do or don’t do, or even what birth order you just happen to fall into. There is a wonderful life out there waiting for you to go after! God Loves You!!
If you cannot afford professional counseling and therapy there are many self help books that you can read because this type of abuse is gaining more credibility, awareness and validation as adults are starting to speak out.
As you delve into these books it may be overwhelming, as if the authors read your soul and articulated what you yourself could not even put into words. Education and Awareness is the beginning of freedom, liberation and healing.

Recommended Reading:

Will I Ever Be Good Enough?  Karyl McBride, PH. D
Trapped in the Mirror, Elan Golomb, PH. D
Healing Your Emotional Self, Beverly Engel
Cure By Crying, Thomas A. Stone
The Emotional Absent Mother, Jasmine Lee Cori, MS, LPC
The Drama of the Gifted Child, Alice Miller
Memory and Abuse, Charles Whitefield, M.D.
Recovery of Your Inner Child, Lucia Capacchione, P.H. D.
Healing the Child Within, Charles L. Whitefield, M.D.
The Inner Child Workbook, Cathryn L. Taylor, M.A., M.F.C.C.
Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life, Linda Martinez-Lewi, PH. D
You’re Not Crazy-It’s Your Mother, Danu Morrigan

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– submitted by:
Angela Price Jenne,
Mill Spring