Tiny Kingdom sacks manager, gives away 50 large

Published 9:18 am Wednesday, February 20, 2013

To the editor:

Wow, what an exciting winter it has been here in the Tiny Kingdom.

The wise elected council (see nothing, hear nothing and speak nothing) – the kingdom’s favorite improv act, which appears monthly at the firehouse meeting room – never fails to entertain.

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The county, that’s the land beyond the walls of the kingdom, where all the other people live, wanted to give the kingdom about seven acres of land, in the middle of a beautiful neighborhood, and a magnificent old stone structure that served as the county hospital for six or seven decades. Well, the town was worried about asbestos, contaminated soil, dust on the window shades, light bulbs that had to be replaced, etc. so they said, “no, thank you” to the county, who then turned around and sold it “as is” to a guy for $50,000. You see my friend, the kingdom is so rich it can say no to $50,000. Whenever they need more money they just raise the water rate. The official word from the meeting room at the firehouse was, “well we got burned a few years ago when we overpaid for a little “2 x 4” cement block building across from the firehouse and underestimated the rehab cost.” All those who believe that a board of directors could make these sorts of management decisions and survive in the private sector raise your water bills high in the air.

My friend, as you well know, turnover, especially turnover at the top, is a warning sign that a company is poorly run. Well, just a week ago the wise elected council fired its town manager, yet again. This one lasted less than six months; lots of rumors as to why. I liked the one about her straightening up her office and discovering a bunch of dirt had been swept under the rug. I loved the official word from the meeting room at the firehouse, “the council wanted to go in a different direction.” Oh how I love that political “horse apple” speech. As a time saver, we should give each excuse its own number. “Different Direction” can be number two, “I’m leaving because I want to spend more time with my family” can be number three and the whopper “I didn’t have relations with that young woman” can be number one.

So, my friend, this could be the opportunity you’ve been waiting for. You’ve told me you are looking for part-time, temporary work in management with a well-run organization … well two out of three isn’t bad, it will be temporary and it is management. Just to help you along, I’m expecting a shipment of “Official Tiny Kingdom Compasses,” no two show magnetic north to be in the same direction. I’m planning on selling them, but I’ll give you one free if you are hired as the next temporary manager of the tiny kingdom.

– John Calure, Landrum