Nicknames: I would sell a kidney to be called kitten

Published 12:02 pm Friday, March 16, 2012

As a ‘celebrity’ Bingo-caller (“G-11, that’s G-Chicken legs! G-11”) at the American Legion Hall last Tuesday evening, along with pal, Lou Parris, I was delighted to see our friend, Rose, front and center in the audience, dauber in hand, 12 cards fanned out before her.
Rose England is the petite dynamo who organized my VFW comedy concert and, because of her can-do, ‘outta my way’ spirit, Lou has anointed her as “Rip cord” England.
Isn’t that the best nickname ever? She sounds like a matinee idol of the 50s, right up there with Rock Hudson or Rip Torn. With this new moniker, she could easily, these days, be mistaken for a rap artist or a cage fighter.
I’d give anything for a great nickname but, alas, when you’re built like a Q-tip, that menu is pretty limited. ‘Stretch’ or ‘Slim’ is all that’s ever been offered. And that’s during my adulthood. As a child, it was “Daddy Long legs,” “Boney Maloney” and, worst of all, “Pirate’s Treasure.”
Because I had a sunken chest.