To the Editor:
I hope all in your world are well. Here in The Tiny Kingdom the trees have just about completed the recycling of their leafs and we are looking forward to a mild but dry winter. A most eclectic group of minions continue to gather outside the “hangin’ on to the 60s” coffeehouse to drink their joe and smoke. They gather outside because smoking (cigarettes) inside is now against the law. I suspect in 2011 the village elders will make smoking outside against the law; all in the name of trying to promote local commerce.
Local commerce has been the hot-button topic of the autumn season. It seems this retired military fellow, General Dollar wanted to open a dry goods store. Well, I guess coming from the military the architecture he was most familiar with was the Quonset hut design and that upset a bunch of folk who want The Tiny Kingdom to remain unchanged.
Many of the same folk who, prior to the election, were hollering’ about there being too much government in our everyday life or government being too big, showed up at a meeting and told the village elders that they wanted the local government to do something.
The village elders quickly huddled-up and were overheard saying things like, “I hate it when the public wants us to actually do something.” In their post huddle remarks the elders agreed to do what they always do and that is form a commission made up of citizen volunteers to study the issue. Thank goodness we no longer have problems, we just have issues. (Ain’t English grand.)
Those attending this meeting all had good intentions I’m sure, but they sure said some odd things.
“Business owners and employees should not park on Trade Street,” heck if they didn’t The Tiny Kingdom would look like a ghost town. “The police need to enforce the two hour parking restriction.”
Good idea. A couple comes to town and parks on Trade Street, spends an hour having lunch then spends the next two hours visiting the various shops. After spending a couple of hundred dollars they return to their car and find a parking ticket! Wow, now that’s what I call a greeting from “The Friendliest Town in The South.”
The elders recently took two bold steps (one backward and one sideways.) They have scheduled a meeting to decide on a moratorium on new retail/business permits. That should get business down to a manageable level and help keep the Tiny Kingdom frozen in time. The other bold step was to issue a resolution endorsing a “rail to trail” concept for the Saluda grade.
A trail from Landrum to Melrose Junction I can see, but a three mile straight climb up 600 feet through country that Mr. Noshoulders has called home for hundreds of years and across a trestle. But, resolutions don’t cost anything and are non-binding so I guess no harm no foul.
I guess it’s too much to ask that the village elders pass a local ordinance that read “any new commercial building must have a brick or stone façade on all sides that can be seen by all minions of the Tiny Kingdom who have good taste in architecture.”
The comedy of life continues, ya’ll keep laughin’.
— John Calure