Leaving America for knifier pastures

Published 2:29 pm Friday, May 14, 2010

So this summer, Ill be living in London, studying abroad and participating in an internship. I leave next Wednesday. In the past few days, Ive gone from my departure not being on my radar at all to thinking, Holy cow, I am leaving in a week and a half.

I have accepted this. Since coming to terms with my imminent departure, Ive spent like 45 percent of my conscious time over past few days shoring up the actual logistics of my leaving, i.e. figuring out when Im actually flying out (Thanks, Mom!), asking my mom for money (double thanks, Mom!), mentally preparing myself to pack, and telling all of my friends that Im freaking out. Ten percent of my time has been spent doing a gigantic paper on N.W.A. and Jay-Z.

Another 20 percent has been spent poking around the Internet trying to figure things out about Europe, generally to no avail I think the problem is that I keep Googling these things that everybody already knows the answers to. Im talking about, Whats the weather like in England? and, Will I get arrested in England if I show people my knife thats hidden in a statuette that looks like the Eiffel Tower?

Sign up for our daily email newsletter

Get the latest news sent to your inbox

Coincidentally, the answers to those questions are Wear plaid (via Tina Evans), and Yes, but the cops who arrest you will think youre a pretty cool dude (via the official Scotland Yard website).

The remaining percentile (30? Im not Dr. Math over here or anything) has gone toward filling out little online forms for UNC and Boston University (Im technically studying abroad with BU).

This entire 110 percent process has also taught me many important facts about Europe, as well as very informational facts about Boston Universitys study abroad program. Here are a few of them.

In Europe, they do dates and times wrong.

I had to order a cell phone through BU. Since I have zero percent sense of direction, I picked the Samsung since it comes with GPS. When I clicked the picture of the phone, it showed me a picture of an iPhone. So I think this means Im getting an iPhone?

Money is different there, and Im already messing it up. Did you know that in England, they use the pound? Its like the dollar but its stronger because Englands too chicken to be a man and have a flailing economy like America does. I figured this out right before I ordered tickets to see England play Mexico in soccer (oops, I meant futbol)and almost spent 25 pounds, which is the equivalent of $7,359.69 in American dollars. I didnt buy the tickets, because no matter how much money my parents give me I will always be cheap.

Spelling is different in England! This cultural difference has been noted and will be reflected in this columne starting nowwe.

Anyway, the pointe is Boston University actually thinks theyre sending us on a cruise. Weve got roomes, Oh, wait, do I mean stateroomes? Plus theyre sending us on these things called Social Programmes, a.k.a. social programs, aka things they send us on where were supposed to drink away our homesickness. Here are some choice social programmes that I have the opportunity to go on:

Start of Semester Party at Londons Trendy Covington Gardens Club + three free drink tickets.

Boat trip on the Thames + a trip to the pub for British Ale and a traditional British pub quizze.

Bike tour + free beer.

Two hour beer tasting + lunch

Cirque de Soleil

Im signing up for none of these for two reasons. One, because they sound suspiciously like Shore Excursions, where you get off the HMS Knifecrime in Cozumel to go four-wheeling next to some ruins. While such activities have their merits, Im not particularly interested in participating in them.

Two, because I have no idea as to whether if I sign uppe for one of thesse trippes (okay, this new way of spelling things is annoying even me at this point so Im stoppe-ing now) Ill be the only one going or not. Like, it says that as of this moment, there are 119 tickets for the Start of Semester Party at Londons Trendy Covington Gardens Club. Now, I assume this means that this social event is going to be turbo lame, because out of the (I would guess) roughly 150 students in my program, only 31 have bought a ticket. However, this could also mean this is the trendiest party in town and out of the 900 people in your program 700 of them have already bought tickets, and only 119 are left, which means 81 people arent getting tickets and those people are looooosers. Eh, whatever. Ill probably buy one at some point.

I guess what Im trying to say is that Boston University is trying to get me drunk in another country. This seems fishy. It seems whats really going on is that BU wants to get me drunk in order to disorient me, and then have someone rob me with a knife.

Im onto you, Boston University. Im staying sober.