The secret to her success

Published 3:26 pm Friday, April 2, 2010

Funny, isnt it?

Turn on your television at any time and you will be spoiled for choice regarding self-help. Dr. Phil will counsel warring couples, Maury Povich will tell you who fathered a baby and Oprah will share her wisdom about how everyone can be emotionally fulfilled as she tucks her hair behind an ear sporting a rock the size of a crouton.

Last Saturday night I learned that if you really want happiness and a great relationship, buying the latest how to book wont help and Dr Phil, really, doesnt have a clue. Last Saturday, I was introduced to what just might be the Oracle of Hendersonville: a tiny woman named Mary, who comfortably resides somewhere within her eighth decade and chose to sit smack-dab in the front row during my stand-up performance at Skyland Theatre.

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Completely sober, she had been contributing to my act for several minutes, answering rhetorical questions in such a pithy and amusing manner that I stopped my show in the middle of a substantial chunk of material in which I normally speak regarding the secret of successful marriages.

Mary, I asked. Are you married?

No, Im a widow. she chirped. But if he had lived we would have been married forever.

So, it was a successful marriage? I egged her further. Oh, yes! she cried and I could feel her picturing his countenance as she added with deep feeling, He was a wonderful man.

Then tell all these youngsters out here, I said, sweeping my arm to include the entire audience. how to keep a marriage happy and exciting.

Well! she exclaimed, tossing both her delicate hands in the air. Heres what we used to do: when we got married, my favorite movie star was Jimmy Stewart and his was June Allison and we didnt have much money, so wed take our beach towels in the living room and would rub suntan oil all over ourselves and hed wink and say, Heeeey, Junie and Id say, Heeeeey Jimmy, and wed just have the best time!

The audience roared with approval and exploded in applause.

So there you have it. The next time you catch yourself sighing over your less than desirable husband, sacked out on the Barcalounger, right hand grafted to the remote or, fellows, view a less than riveting sight when your wife comes down for coffee in her flannel robe and slippers, think twice before investing a big chunk of cash on a couples retreat or subscribing to Psychology Today. Just use a little bit of imagination and humor.

And, might I just add, Hawaiian Tropic rocks.