I predict you will read this column.
Tonight, I did something that no sane person should ever do I visited a psychic and had my fortune told. Its not that I actively sought out a psychic or anything, but there were free psychic readings in my schools student union, so as a seeker of cheap thrills, I went and saw what the hullaballoo was about.
After a 40-minute wait where my friends and I speculated as to the exact nature of what our fortunes would be, it was time to meet my psychic. She seemed pretty young 25, if I had to say and she never told me her name. Instead of the initial chit-chat that I would have assumed came with a psychic reading, I was instructed to list my full name and date of birth.
This was the first indicator to me that maybe she wasnt a very good psychic why would she need to ask this information of me if she already knew the future? I was disappointed from jump street. Anyway, I played along and told her the necessary information, and she told me to think of two of my life goals, and to tell her one of them. I told her that I wanted to finish writing the screenplay that Id been assigned for my script-writing class, and thought about how I wanted to figure out if she was a real psychic or not.
She then told me to concentrate and focus, because the next part was very important. I started spacing out and thinking about other stuff at this point because I have the attention span of a pineapple, but anyway, she laid out some Tarot cards on the table in the shape of what I could only interpret as a Christmas tree.
I dont know if youve ever seen Tarot cards before, but theyre ber-creepy. The only cards whose names and depictions I distinctly remember were one of a cow-man named “Onyx,” and one that was a picture of the devil. As I remember, the other cards fit somewhere on the creepiness scale between a cow-man and the actual devil.
After laying the cards out, she grinned knowingly and told me what the cards had in store for me. Are you ready for some hyper-specific information regarding my future? If so, prepare to be deeply disappointed.
She told me the following information: I am prepared to live a long life, Im going to work for myself (but I should watch about for who I hire because my employees would totally betray me, which doesnt really say much about my skills as a future boss), and that Im an honorable person who sometimes isnt treated the way I think I should be treated.
Oh and are you ready for some mind-blowing info about my romantic future? Im going to be in two, count em, two more relationships in my life! The first girl I get involved with will engage with me in a tango of on-again, off-again romance for several years yippee! The next one Im going to marry. So, um, yeah.~Modern Age written by Drew Millard