Life Lesson Number 431: How to Get Robbed

Published 12:25 pm Thursday, July 16, 2009

But what happened to me on Saturday was this: I almost got robbed. My roommate and I were driving to Washington, DC on an epic road trip to a gi-normous rap

concert called Rock the Bells, when we decided to get gas and eat dinner in Richmond, Virginia.Being the poor albeit resourceful college students we are, we elected to pack our dinners and eat them at the gas station in the parking lot. As I was finishing up my peanut butter and jelly sandwich and started to pull out of the parking lot, a shifty looking fellow stood in front of my car holding a case, indicating to us that we should roll down the window and have a look-see inside his case.Readers who have any hint of good sense can probably tell that it is not a good idea to acquiesce to such a request; however, I have no such good sense. I rolled down my

window and greeted him. He opened his mouth to reveal a gold front left tooth and said to me, &dquo;Man, I just got out of the pen and I&squo;m desperate! I&squo;m ready to grab my gun, put on a ski mask and rob a (I delete what he said next, but rest assured that said something profane)! Give me five dollars NOW!&dquo;Aha! So he didn&squo;t actually have anything in that case!I was terrified. I gave him one of those &dquo;deer in the headlights&dquo; looks that you give someone when you completely have no idea what to do in a situation, and with my voice quivering,&bsp; said, &dquo;I, I, I, don&squo;t have any cash on me. I&squo;m sorry.&dquo;He did not look very pleased at my reply. He gestured to my roommate and said, &dquo;Well, what about your friend?&dquo;My roommate, unfortunately, had no cash either. Because I&squo;m not a very smart person in situations like these, I was about to offer to go into the gas station and use their ATM and take some cash out for him, when a nearby lady started yelling at him to get away from us.&bsp; To my relief, my new friend scurried away from me before I could become not only his new friend, but also his benefactor.I quickly related this story to my father, who told me that next time I faced a situation where some crazy-looking dude wanted me to roll down my window so he could try to rob me, I should just keep on driving straight at him, because he&squo;d probably move, or else I was allowed to give him a little love tap with my front bumper.&bsp; This is easily the most violent thing that my father has ever told me.Coincidentally, last night when I was driving through downtown Chapel Hill, some crazy-looking dude walked out into the middle of the road and tried to make me stop my car in the middle of the road, presumably so he could try to rob me. This time, I didn&squo;t roll down my window and talk to him, and I didn&squo;t keep driving straight at him in hopes that he would move. I simply drove around him and off into the distance.But really, thanks for the advice, Dad.

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