“I’m Just Saying” with Pam Stone

Published 6:04 pm Thursday, March 26, 2009

Editor&squo;s note: Comedienne Pam Stone writes her column for The Tryon Daily Bulletin twice each month from her office at her home in Gowensville. Want a chance to respond to this column?

Go to Pam&squo;s blog at www.tryondailybulletin.com.

First of all, I have to tell you that Paul and I finally traded in a television set that was so archaic that the Amish laughed at it.

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My dear, trusted, MGA 19&dquo; color model, purchased in a pawn shop in Los Angeles for $50 back in 1986, finally bit the dust as the picture became distorted, dragging down the left side of the screen so that anyone featured in a close up shot appeared to have suffered a traumatic stroke.

&dquo;Finally!&dquo; cheered friends who had been, frankly, rude, regarding our 23 year old set. &dquo;So, are you going to get a flat screen? We&squo;ve got a 62 inch and we love watching sports on it. The Superbowl was incredible!&dquo;

62 inches? Are you insane? My house is small: if I slapped such a behemoth screen on the wall I would have to move the couch, well, outside, so as not to burn images on my retina. I don&squo;t want to see acres of Sean Hannity&squo;s head when I briefly flip past FOX. Nor would I want to see life-size talking phlegm from a Mucinex commercial.

And people wonder why America has become tremendously overweight. &dquo;Is it lack of exercise?&dquo; they wonder. &dquo;Stuck in front of the computer?&dquo;

I&squo;ll tell you what it is: Go get a normal bowl of chips to snack upon and sit down in front of a 25&dquo; television screen. Looks plentiful, doesn&squo;t it?

Now, take that same bowl and sit down in front of Sean Hannity&squo;s giant face on your 62&dquo; big screen. Looks pitifully small, now, doesn&squo;t it? Like a thimble. Surely you need a much bigger bowl to make the perspective seem correct. Probably the entire bag. Plus a 64 oz &squo;Big Gulp.&squo;


Even when we recently installed a small satellite dish on our house to receive a new &squo;bundling&squo; service, the representative from the company sniggered at our MGA. &dquo;You actually watch that?&dquo; he scoffed, between mutterings while trying to hook up the service through the back of the box. It was taking him hours and I could tell he was frustrated and not pleased to be missing the Daytona 500.

&dquo;Tell ya what,&dquo; I said to him, covering my hurt from his

comments by winking at Paul. &dquo;Will it make your life easier if we go get a new set, right this minute?&dquo;

&dquo;Yes, ma&squo;am, it would.&dquo; came the reply.

Within ten minutes, Paul returned through the front door, struggling under the weight of a new (to us) 25 inch Orion set that my sister had earlier offered while clearing out her back room. It had belonged to my late father, was 7 years old and hardly ever used.

&dquo;There you go,&dquo; grunted Paul, putting it down on the floor. &dquo;Have at it!&dquo;

I would imagine that we were the subject of quite a bit of venting back at the office of this local company. Well, maybe he&squo;s learned a lesson: don&squo;t be making fun of my old MGA ‐ that&squo;s right up there with making fun of my dog.