The greatest dog in the universe

Published 10:19 am Friday, June 27, 2008

In this article, Id like to introduce you to a dog that almost surpasses Champ in overall awesomeness. Meet Grant, my English yellow lab who weighs in at approximately 130 pounds.
Grant is an ultimate killing machine. Actually, he probably runs a 40 meter dash in about 10 seconds, and its more of an awkward hobble than a dash. Lets just say that if dogs werent tamed, then natural selection wouldnt be kind to Grant.
To his credit though, Grant used to be a quick one, but Mr. Arthur has had his way with Grant. Now, when Grant lies down to take his 12-hour nap, the excess fat forms a pool on the floor and closely resembles an extra rug. I myself have taken many naps on Grants soft rolls of blubber that actually provides an insulating rest on a hot day.
Grant has other amusing habits, though. When Grant cant get his way, meaning we decide not to feed him and add on the fat, he falls to the floor with a thud and lets out a grunt that sounds like a tuba in distress. Whenever the Kooistra clan is huddled around the TV watching something suspenseful like Law &Order: Criminal Intent, the silent suspense may be broken by a raucous snoring coming from our laundry room foyer as Grant has fallen fast asleep.His human characteristics go beyond snoring, though. His English vocabulary spans about five expressions, the same amount as Gary Busey: Walk, come here, dogfood, treat, and Grant.
He even has human-like hobbies when he finds his surroundings devoid of tennis balls, he digs up rocks, and he has accumulated a fine rock collection in our garage.
Despite these odd behaviors, Grant is a great dog to come home to. He meets you at the car door, gently sniffs the area around your feet, and gives you a good lick, which is very inconvenient when youre wearing khakis. Then, you have to make sure you dont sprain an ankle tripping over or stepping on one of his prized rocks on the way to the door to the house. Im just disappointed that he cant provide a comfortable rug in my dorm at college

Sign up for our daily email newsletter

Get the latest news sent to your inbox