A college freshman’s view of Presidential politics

Published 1:37 pm Wednesday, March 12, 2008

So these primaries have been going on for a couple months now, and due to more important matters such as UNC basketball and my fledgling modeling career, I haven&squo;t commented on such trivialities as who America will turn to for leadership and guidance in the next four years. In fact, I think it&squo;s been almost a year since I wrote anything on politics at all, and ridiculous amounts of developments have been arisen. So without further ado, let&squo;s get to politickin&squo;!

On the Republican end of the spectrum, it appears that Old Man John McCain has managed to secure the Republican nomination, despite having the budget of the Polk County school system to work with. After spending like fifteen dollars, McCain is besting rivals such as the younger, studlier Mitt Romney and the older, crazier Ron Paul.&bsp; After an initially strong start, Mike Huckabee shot himself in the foot by running the goofiest campaign in presidential history, which included a high-profile endorsement by Chuck Norris (whose beard and martial arts skills have weirdly evolved into an ongoing joke with the 20-and-under crowd) and numerous appearances on the Colbert Report where he promised his vice presidential nomination to none other than Stephen T. Colbert. So that was dumb. &bsp;

And who can forget Rudy Giuliani? Before he started his campaign in earnest, he seemed pretty okay to me. An ostensible moderate whose managerial experience included steering New York City through the biggest attack on America since Pearl Harbor? Where do I sign up? Unfortunately, after campaigning for a year solely on the fact that he was the mayor of New York on 9/11, it became apparent that he was a one-trick pony and he was pretty useless. Also, his lisp was annoying. So I&squo;d like to extend an official thank you to Florida for crushing Rudy&squo;s presidential prospects like Simon crushed little Danny Noriega the other week on American Idol for submitting a show tunes version of Jailhouse Rock for America&squo;s viewing pleasure.

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In the Democratic corner, the nomination is a little more hotly contested. As I write this, Barack Obama is beating out Hilary Clinton by a scant 96 delegates. Of course, this all could change tonight after a bunch of primary results come in, but as for now, Barack is winning by just a little. But if you asked the media, it would seem that Hilary was losing by Huckabee-esque numbers, as CNN and the like have consistently reamed Clinton once they realized that it was almost as fun to bash Hilary Clinton as it was to bash Bill.&bsp; Since the inception of my interest in politics (circa age 14), I haven&squo;t seen a candidate that inspires as much unjustified vitriol as Madame Clinton. I don&squo;t know if it&squo;s just the bad taste that her husband left in America&squo;s mouth or what, but every day I consistently find people who harbor genuine hate for her. Is it because she&squo;s a woman with a viable shot at the White House?&bsp; Is it her hair?&bsp; Her shoes? I just don&squo;t understand.

In the interest of full disclosure, come the North Carolina primary on May 6th, I will indeed be casting my vote for Obama, no matter how many cigarettes he smokes. I just think that after two very divisive presidents, America needs someone who will unite the nation, or at least keep us from attacking Iran.

&bsp;Oh yeah, and Barack&squo;s not a Muslim. You should disregard that chain e-mail if you get it.

Hot Jam of the Week‐&dquo;Sensual Seduction&dquo; by Snoop Dogg: Unlike last week&squo;s Hot Jam (&dquo;Low&dquo; by Flo Rida for those of you who don&squo;t remember/don&squo;t care), this song is up there with Beethoven&squo;s third and the first side of Sgt. Pepper&squo;s Lonely Hearts Club Band in the category of greatest pieces of music ever created.

&bsp;If you don&squo;t like this song, then you have no soul.