Déjà vu all over again in Tiny Kingdom

Published 9:31pm Wednesday, February 12, 2014

To the editor:

Well my friend, winter continues to overstay its welcome here in the Tiny Kingdom.

Its latest gift was a blanket of snow, which turned the landscape into a Currier & Ives print. These two go-getters made their fortune by coloring black & white lithographs of winter scenes, which ain’t a big stretch if you have lots of white ink! At the time, the mid 1800s, it was mass produced art for the people. They were like the Tommy Kinkade of their day.

As the snow was gently falling, the kingdom’s best and brightest were trying to apply life support to the local ABC store, yet again. Yes my friend, we have told this sad story before, but that’s our government, trying to pound a square peg into a round hole.

I don’t mean this to sound like I told you so, but when the kingdom’s leaders gave the nod to re-open the little shop of hooch, we wrote then that the numbers “didn’t add up” but not unlike bulls in a booze store, the leaders of the kingdom charged ahead. Now, one of the more colorful of the ruling council is quick to point out that the little shop of hooch actually made a profit last month.

Hello! Last month was December. Do the words holiday party mean anything?

Wait, it gets better, he wants to not charge the little shop of hooch its water and sewer fees for six months because they are having a hard time. I think all the local businesses who are having a hard time should get behind this idea, come to the next council meeting and ask some relief from your water and sewer bill. Finally, an idea whose time has come! I see a great statue of this bodacious leader, perhaps on horseback, like General Jubilation T. Cornpone who, when faced with utter defeat, burned the crops and left us nothing to eat. (If I use any more, I’ll have to pay a royalty.)

I guess I should be more understanding. After all, our big government spends billions over decades on wars that can’t be won and other senseless projects. So, why shouldn’t our tiny kingdom’s government spend thousands on a little shop of hooch that will never be profitable. Heck, it’s only the taxpayer’s money.

– John Calure, Landrum

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