Bystanders are critical advocates for abuse survivors

Published 11:47 am Friday, August 1, 2025

By Diane Nelson

Domestic violence and sexual abuse are pressing issues that affect countless individuals and families every year. We must all be able to recognize the signs of abuse and take steps to support victims. It could be the difference between someone enduring prolonged suffering and accessing the help they need to reclaim their safety. Bystanders play an instrumental role in breaking the cycle of abuse.

Domestic violence and sexual abuse take many forms. Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to exert control over another within an intimate relationship. It includes physical harm, emotional manipulation, financial control, or threats and intimidation. Sexual abuse involves any non-consensual sexual act or behavior, including coercion, harassment, or exploitation. The prevalence of this abuse is staggering: one in four women and one in nine men experience severe intimate partner violence at some point in their lives. It’s not always easy to spot abuse since many victims may hide their experiences due to fear, shame, or societal stigma. But the signs are clear, albeit sometimes subtle. Visit www.stepstohope.org for specific indicators.  

When someone suspects that a friend, family member, coworker, or neighbor may be experiencing domestic violence or sexual abuse, taking action can provide a lifeline. Here are ways to support:

• Listen Without Judgment: If someone opens up about their experience, provide a safe, compassionate space for them to share. Avoid pressure for immediate action—they may need time to process and plan. Be aware that agencies, for safety reasons, must speak with the survivor personally, so it’s important that they make the decision to contact. It is not your situation to “FIX.” It is up to you to support.
• Validate their Feelings: Shame and fear are paralyzing. They are barriers to change. Instead, validate what they are telling you, what they are feeling. Remind them that this deserves attention and care.
• Honor Boundaries: Let the information come out at their pace. Try not to ask too many questions. Listen. Observe. Encourage. Check in. Try not to make it the subject of every conversation.
• Provide Resources: Encourage the survivor to connect with organizations like Steps to Hope. Offer information about emergency shelters, advocacy programs, and educational resources. 
• Offer Opportunities to Contact: If communication is difficult, help them (without expectation) devise a way to make contact with the agency. Let them use your phone. Offer to take them on a “play date” or to a “job interview.” Then bring them to the Steps office or the friend’s house to make the call or get information. Do NOT try to be a hero. It will impact your ability to help and put you in harm’s way.
• Contact Authorities if Necessary: If someone is in immediate danger, do not hesitate to call 911 or local law enforcement.
• Be Supportive and Patient: Understand that leaving an abusive situation is often complex and dangerous. Support victims at their pace. Don’t pressure them into decisions they’re not ready to make.

Steps to Hope not only supports victims but also empowers bystanders to make a difference. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, Steps to Hope is here to help. 

Together, we can create a safer, more supportive community for all.