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Hey Aunty Pam,

 

I’m asking you this as a woman because I figure you’ll know better than me.

My old man used to say that if you want to know what your girlfriend or wife will look like when they’re old, look at their mothers. This sort of spooks me because I just started dating this gal that I really like. She’s 30 with one kid and really cute, but her mom looks like a box truck in a tank top. She’s a wide load for sure, and her face is so squished up with fat that she looks like she’s about to oink.

I’m wondering if I should bring this up to my girlfriend to let her know that I’m real serious about her, but I worry she might end up looking like her ma. Do you think I should tell her? I just want to be honest.

 

Signed,

Ricky

 

Dear Ricky,

 

Oh, please do. Please, please, Prosecco-please do tell your cute girlfriend you’re worried she’s going to end up looking as disgusting as her mother. This way, she can know exactly the kind of honest guy you actually are and leave skid marks getting the hell away from you.

 

Cheers, dears!!

Aunty Pam