Sing like no one is listening

Published 12:16 pm Monday, June 3, 2024

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Dear Aunty Pam,


Man, I hope you can help me before I divorce my wife. I’m kidding, but maybe not.

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Dorothy thinks she can sing. She can’t. She says she can sing, or else she wouldn’t be in our church choir. I told her that since our church is so small and there are only 6 people in the choir, they had to take what they could get. She didn’t talk to me for two days, which I didn’t mind because at least I didn’t have to hear her sing.

Every Sunday, we drive to our daughter’s house for dinner and to see our grandkids. It’s a nice drive that takes just over an hour, but it feels like an eternity because Dorothy turns on the radio and sings along with every song. Last Sunday, Celine Dion came on the radio and started singing that Titanic song (can’t remember what it’s called), and Dorothy is screeching along like a cat in heat. I had to stop the car and holler at her that she was giving me a headache and making every dog’s ears bleed in the area. Well, she started crying, and when we got to our daughter’s house, my daughter wanted to know why she was so upset. Dorothy told her, and my daughter started yelling at ME and calling me mean and a bully. I told her she’d change her tune if she had to drive 5 miles with someone who sounded like a crow squawking in her ear.

Why am I the bad guy here when I was the one suffering?




Dear Glen,


Dear, dear Glen….thank you for the best laugh I’ve had all week.

Look, lots of folks love doing things even if they’re not good at it: ceramics, line dancing, drinkin’…however, in Dorothy’s case, her inability to do her favorite thing well is inflicting discomfort as well as a potential cease and desist order from Celine Dion’s attorney.

There’s a way not to be a soul crusher here, Glen, and help you both. How about having a private word with your church choir director? Ask him/her if they think Dorothy could benefit from private coaching sessions and pay for it. Then offer this gift to Dorothy in a kind and encouraging way: ‘You know, hon, you were right—I ran into the choir director the other day, and he said what a good job you were doing in the choir. I asked him if he thought you had the potential to be even better, and he said yes, with some private lessons, so I thought I’d surprise you with some. What do you think?’

If you deliver this offer with sincerity, handily masking your calculated scheme, she might actually believe you. Then your drives will be less tortuous, and your church might even make you a deacon!


Cheers, dears!!

Aunty Pam