Ask Aunty Pam: Sorry, not interested

Published 10:43 am Monday, October 17, 2022

Dear Aunty Pam,


I’m a single male and recently moved into an independent retirement community that caters to active seniors. I’m lucky to have no health issues, am slim and fit, and I suppose that has made me a target for all the single women who live here. I cannot get away from them!

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It seems like every day there is a knock on the door from some woman who introduces herself, or brings over a casserole because she assumes I can’t feed myself. One woman even showed up with a bottle of wine and two glasses so we “could get to know each other.” What they don’t realize, because I’m a very private person, is that I’m gay, and not the least bit interested. I lost my husband a few years ago and am now on my own.


What can I say to these women to let them know politely, but firmly, that I’m not interested?





Dear Al,


Let Aunty Pam just take a peek at her calendar. Ah, yes! I thought so…it’s 2022, Al, not 1952. Meaning you can actually say to these women, “How very kind of you to bring this casserole/wine over. I wish my late husband were here—he’d love this casserole!” 


Never has being gay been more out in the open, and more accepted in society. I honestly don’t know anyone who isn’t gay, or doesn’t have a gay friend or relative. Yes, it does mean revealing your personal life, but unless you fear you’re going to be chased out of the community by the rest of the retirees carrying torches and pitchforks across the Corn Hole court, it is a defining part of what makes you, you, and you might find that acceptance rather liberating. Maybe worth considering?


There is, however, added danger in revealing that your gay, Al, because once these women learn of it, then, of course, you’ll be in high demand as a non-threatening escort to gallery openings and wine and cheese events. But who knows? You might really enjoy that. 


Be you. Be true.


Cheers, dear!

Aunty Pam