Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...

Dear Aunty Pam,

 

My girlfriend is naturally very pretty and for some reason, she’s started wearing make-up on her eyebrows to make them look thicker. I told her she’s beautiful, doesn’t need any make-up, and now she looks like she’s stuck wooly bear caterpillars above her eyes. She ran to the bedroom, slammed the door and now she’s not speaking to me. I don’t know why she was so mad when I told her she was beautiful. Do you?

 

Signed,

In the Doghouse

 

 

Dear Dog,

 

It’s letters like yours that start off Aunty Pam’s day with gales of laughter. Yes, why would any woman be offended by such a declaration of adoration: “You’re beautiful, but you look like you stuck wooly bear caterpillars on your face.” 

 

Hey, Dog, why not add “For a fat girl, you don’t sweat much!” 

 

For what it’s worth, I don’t like those eyebrows, either, and describing them as wooly caterpillars was entirely accurate, and even funny, so you get bonus points for originality and humor, but not TACT. Relationships require a Costco-sized package of tact, so I’m afraid you’re going to have to suffer the consequences of your faux pas, and wait it out until forgiven. And for heaven’s sake, don’t try to apologize by saying, “I’m sorry I said that, honey, and really, I like caterpillars!”

 

Cheers, dear!

Aunty Pam