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Aunty Pam, Aunty Pam!!

Please help because I’m not really sure what to do and you seem to really hit the nail on the head with your advice.

I met a guy online that I am CRAZY about. We’re both in our mid 40s, both divorced and he is everything I would want in a man and a life long partner: good looking, VERY funny, owns his own home, good job, and just SUPER nice.

We’ve been emailing back and forth for the last several weeks and then FaceTime 2 or 3 times a day every day. NO man has ever made me laugh so hard. On top of all this, he’s even sent me 2 bouquets of flowers with a note that says, “Just Because.”

So we lined up a day for our first date at a restaurant that’s a middle distance to where we both live (we live an hour apart) for a romantic dinner. We met in the parking lot and he gave me this big bear hug and another bouquet of flowers and I was just swept off my feet. The problem, and here’s my problem because I’m not sure if it’s really a problem (if that makes any sense) is that he got hammered during the meal. We’d ordered a bottle of wine and he ordered two more bottles and while I only had two glasses of wine because of the drive back home, he drank another full bottle and was going to drink the third, but I laughed and said I wanted him to stay awake.

He was so drunk (and thank goodness he was a happy and funny drunk) I had to drive him back to his house and help him inside and make him some coffee before turning around to drive the hour home. He called me the next morning and apologized and said he was just nervous, and that he does like to drink but for sure overdid it that night.

I like him so much and want to give him a second chance but am just wondering if my Mr. Right might have a problem??

 

Signed,

D.D.

 

Dear D.D.

Sounds as if to Aunty Pam you’ve already made up your mind and are reallllly hoping I’ll agree you should give him a second chance because, boy, you were selling him to me like a livestock auctioneer with all those positive attributes of your Foster Brooks in CAPITAL letters! He is VERY funny and SUPER nice and you are CRAZY about him!!! RIGHT!! GOT IT!!

But here’s the deal, D.D…who gets sloppy drunk on a first date? It’s not as if he hasn’t already pretty much ‘met you’ several times via emails and FaceTime sessions. I mean, I get he could have gotten nervous, but to knock back a full bottle of wine after you guys finished your first bottle and then go reaching for a third?  And what would have happened had you not driven him home? Had you been offended and left on your own, would he have driven home that drunk? Do you see how on your very first date (and really, to defend him by saying at least he was a ‘happy and funny drunk,’– c’mon woman!!) his behavior put YOU (yes, capitalized) in a pretty inconvenient situation having to make sure he got home safely? Not cool.

Look…Aunty Pam is all about second chances and giving folks the benefit of the doubt in most cases. He has, however, already told you that “he likes to drink” while acknowledging he went overboard on your first date, so that’s really a second red flag, isn’t it? One more and you’ll have enough to knit a Walmart greeter’s vest.

You can give your fella a second date, just realize that you might be going into an unhealthy relationship with eyes WIDE OPEN. Like being so bowled over by a gorgeous, shiny Corvette that you buy it and conveniently ignore the fact that it has a weird, knocking noise every time you get into third gear….If this man of your dreams is an alcoholic, there’s going to be a trail of broken hearts and betrayals left in his wake. It’s up to you whether or not you want to take that chance. And it’s up to HIM, and only him, to get the help he may need.

Cheers, dear!! (but with Pelligrino, please, in this case)

Aunty Pam