I can’t make these stories up

Published 8:13pm Thursday, May 16, 2013

At this point, I still can’t find the granola bars, so I give up and go to the checkout, where the young kid bagging my groceries starts asking me about the beer, and excitedly pulls out his drivers license to show me that he just turned 21 and can drink now. Fabulous. So I head out to the parking lot and wait for the guy in the car next to my truck to get out of his car, and I notice that the guy is wearing a Chicago Bears hat, has an Illinois license plate, and a bumper sticker that says Lake Zurich High School Band. Yep, the same town in Illinois where I grew up! So after exchanging a brief hello, I unload my groceries and get into my truck … but I can’t back out of the space, because every arthritic person in Ingles (I’m sure canned vegetable lady was in there) has now decided to exit the store and walk right behind my truck.

Well, some guy, spotting a woman behind the wheel and thinking she obviously doesn’t know how to drive, starts waving his arms and trying to direct me. I had to bite my tongue, because I wanted to roll down the window and yell, “Backing the truck is not the problem. I’ve backed a 40-foot horse trailer. I just need everyone to get the $%&#@ out of my way!”

Next time I want food, I think I’ll just order takeout.

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