My brilliant cure for the energy crisis

Published 1:02pm Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I really believe I have stumbled upon something great.
It’s another one of my million dollar ideas; I’ve had several. None of them – obviously, since that I am still living on a conservatively tight budget – have taken off yet, but that all changes right here and now.
This one, yes this very idea, was an epiphany. I actually think I saw a light bulb materialize above my head in the moment of my inspiration. It was quickly turned off because I’m worried about wasting energy nowadays.
I have the idea that will solve the energy crisis our world seems to be trying to overcome. Before I reveal my idea, I do, however, need someone to implement it for me. It will take some gargantuan imaginative mind to turn it into what I envision. It has to be possible – it’s too good not to be.
The person I see myself working with has to have a scientific background with some inventor savvy. If you, the reader, know of any such a person with those qualifications, kindly put this newspaper down and go fetch this individual immediately.
Okay, now that I have everyone’s attention, let me clue you in on my world-changing idea that had my mind lit up like Clark Griswold’s Christmas tree. Here it is – are you ready?
I have found a pure and endless (when I say endless, I mean it’s been here for a gazillion years and hasn’t run out yet) amount of energy to tap into. It is raw and available each and every day of our God-given lives. Rain or shine, it is ready to be used, from morning until the sun sets and we force its little butt in bed.
That’s right. The energy of a child – my children, your children, your next door neighbor’s children.  The children in your classroom, nursery or daycare. The child in Wal-Mart who seems uncontrollable. The children cooped up in a school all day ready to pop like a firecracker once they reach the exit doors at the end of the day. You know what children I’m talking about.
We went for a little hike in the woods the other day when the inspiration of the idea hit me. My daughter had been cooped up all day inside, so after lunch we decided to go for a little hike. My son and I ended up walking alone.
She ran ahead of us the entire way down the trail.
Nothing could stop her. Nothing would want to get in her way to try to stop her. She was on a little 7-year-old mission. To unleash the pent-up energy that had been on reserve inside her petite body lest she burst into a million particles of frustrated kid glitter dust. My son and I could only watch in disbelief, shaking our heads.
I walked up to the trailhead where I parked, and there she was. Sitting inside my truck smiling at me with her nose pressed to the glass. Where’s a scientist when you need one?
So you can see why I am in such dire need of a professional of this magnitude. Somehow we must find a way to capture this energy and use it to our benefit. We can light up our cities, store it in batteries, maybe even liquify it and put it in our vehicles and lawnmowers.
Liquid child energy!
With the number of kids on this planet, the amount of untapped energy is limitless. Not to mention there are kids born every day. Energy-producing machines are given to us on an hourly basis on this globe. Let us take advantage.
Plus, stealing their energy could reduce the amount the tikes use, therefore bringing them back down to our level.
Which, of course, is little to no energy at all, especially if we’re using it chasing after those little boogers. In doing this, we may actually have more energy ourselves. The whole energy field could balance itself out.
All of this is still unproven. That’s why I need an expert!
Call me anything but crazy, but I know you feel where I’m coming from. I sense an entire flock of readers out there about to jump on the bandwagon. My daughter could build the wagon for you to jump on, with all of that energy I’ve been talking about.
Chris Jakubowicz lives in Tryon with his wife and children. His bi-weekly column will focus on how he and his family are trying to get back to their grassroots. Jakubowicz can be reached by email at cjak32@gmail.com.

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